Supermarket Adventure Gone Wrong May 19, 2008

So, I had the day off today.   Which meant: Vintage shopping with Ash, my Aldi adventure, copious amounts of laundry and Desperate Housewives.

Aldi is cool.   I had driven by it before but had never ventured inside, so naturally, I googled it.   It’s an eco-friendly store that cuts prices in creative ways (only open select hours, people bring their own shopping bags, etc.)   It had a lot of European brands, but wasn’t what I expected.   I half expected it to be like a Chinese supermarket in the city – full of exciting, weird and unusual food items that are labeled in Chinese, with little or no English on the packaging, but with an assortment of European foods.  

Is it just me, or is there a “cow flavored” candy in the bottom left corner?

 I love Chinese supermarkets.   It’s a verifiable adventure.  Even a package of soup is exciting because you can’t read the label and have to attempt to figure out what it is (or how to cook it) based on the pictures.   It can get interesting, to say the least, and sometimes I have no *clue* what I’m buying, but the package is so intriging that I must buy it just so I can open it later to see if my hunch was right.  

Also, the Chinese have *great* desserts and super yummy candy, and after all, sugar is my favorite food group.  They also make these lychee gummi/jelly things which are phenomenal.  

They come in a big ass jug in assorted flavors.  Plus, Chinese supermarkets usually have these:

  

Kasugai gummies!   They’re fairly orgasmic and come in every fruit flavor imaginable, including kiwi and lychee.  Ahhh I miss Borough Park!  Don’t get me started on Bubble Tea.  If they replaced every Starbucks in America with an Asian bakery that  sold Bubble Tea, I’d be a happy girl.   I’ll take a venti, taro flavored, please.
           Anyway, the point is, Aldi did NOT live up to my expectations.  They had their own products, which were okay and fairly cheap, but the other products were European products that we already have in the US for the most part, like Haribo gummy bears and such.   The whole “shopping in another culture’s realm” experience was lost.  Meh.  I still got a huge jug of laundry detergent for $1.99.   And a bunch of other crap, and I only spent $20.  But the entire time I was there, this gross redneck kept eye raping me.  He was like Larry the Cable guy, only wayyyy creepy.  Don’t get me wrong.  Larry the Cable guy makes me laugh.  He’s a cool guy.    Supermarket sketch is what Larry the Cable guy would be if all of his shows and tours got cancelled and maybe then if he axe murdered Dane Cook and Jeff Foxworthy, while screaming ’git er done!’

I was wearing a skirt, but it really wasn’t that short.  I mean, I know the only real girl he’s seen in a while is his Mom, but that’s what his cousins are for, right?   And there’s really no excuse for leering at someone like that.   The way he looked at me was the same way Sal, the Bay Ridge bus driver looked at all of the girls when they boarded the schoolbus, as he chugged his paperbag swaddled beer.   It took me twice as long to shop because I kept having to run away from the icky bastard and he seriously didn’t take his eyes off of me.  He even waited for me in the parking lot so he could stare at me.  He put his shit in his car and then stood outside the door, watched me get in my car and then went back to his car.   How creepy is that?!   I wanted to scream “put your eyes back in your fucking head!”   I can’t get over it.   Where does he get off thinking it’s okay to make someone uncomfortable like that and ruin my shopping trip?   What ever happened to etiquette?  Did anyone ever tell him it’s not polite to stare and look a girl up and down repeatedly and follow her around a supermarket staring at her legs?   He looked like the kind of guy who would beat his wife if she got home 5 minutes late or if he didn’t like what she made him for dinner.   You know, the ones in movies who keep their significant other under lock and key and abuse them?   Ew.  I was freaked out that he might try to attack me in the parking lot and pull me into a van.   Guys like that give me the wiggins.  Stupid redneck.
            So, the next part of my day included lots of laundry (in which the washer ate my pantyhose) and Desperate Housewives, in which they revealed a lot but then fastforwarded 5 years.   Everything was cool but then Susan went home and her husband wasn’t Mike!   She leaned in and kissed some other dude passionately.  This better not be like the “Darren switch” on Bewitched.  Seriously.  Not cool, ABC.  Not cool.

50 Questions May 6, 2008

1) How do you like your grilled cheese?
LOVE it!

2) Where did you go on your last vacation?
vacation? I don’t do vacation. I pick somewhere I like and I move there for a while. Ex: Nantucket. I didn’t go on vacay, I picked up and moved there for the summer. I like going on vacation, I just hate leaving home because I think I’m missing something. Then once I get there I don’t want to leave and come home haha.

3) Who are your godparents?
One is dead and I haven’t seen the other in quite some time.

4) Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
on the cover of tv guide (I wish!)

12) Where did you get your couch from?
From the Torkelsons, the family who decorated/own our apt.

13) Do you use a plan book?
Yes. I’ll try to pencil you in.

14) At what age do you plan on having kids?
When I’m as old as Catherine Zeta Jones.

15) When was the last time you swam?
does a hot tub count?

16) What do you order at Subway?
nothing. I despise subway. I’ll go anywhere else.
17) Do you keep your closets organized?
Yes. Everything is color coded. Between VT and here, I have seven closets (one = shoes, one = costumes (Halloween and shows I’ve been in/directed) one = dresses, jackets and formal wear and then the other ones have normal stuff). I haven’t grown since 5th grade. Today I wore a pair of Tommy Hilfiger pants that made my butt look big in jr. high but that fit me now. I keep everything. If I didn’t organize, I’d never find *anything*

18) How do you make headaches go away?
I click my heels five times and take some Tylenol

19) Have you owned a beta before?
Nope. Fish kind of wig me out. When I was lil I used to have goldfish. When I considered naming them “Don’t Die #1,” “Don’t Die #2,” etc. I thought I’d just quit while I was ahead and start thinking about different kinds of pets, preferably ones that don’t take a trip down the flusher after a week and a half.

20) If you moved out of state where would you go?
Santa Monica, CA.

21) How old is your best friend?
They are 24-28

22) Did you attend pre school?
yes, but I spent about half of it in and out of the hospital because I had crazy pneumonia and almost died

23) What do your shower curtains look like?
It’s champagne and white striped with pink shoes, pink feather poofy things that stick out and words scrawled in script like “glamour,” “chic,” “fabuous,” and “dazzling” on it

24) Did you have an imaginary friend as a child?
Yes. Her name was Chloe and she was fabulous.
Actually, that’s a lie. I don’t remember. But if I did have one, I wish that she would have been named Chloe and been fabulous.

25) How do you make eggs?
Scrambled with american cheese, a la Melanie

26) Where do you wash your clothes?
Out at the river. On the farm, while I chew on a piece of straw and play dixie on the washtubs and milk jugs conveniently located nearby. Then I square dance with Old MacDonald’s cow and say things like “dat there” and “ya’ll hear?” Doin’ laundry’s a blast! But first, it’s very important to beat the crap out of it, like the lady below:

27) Which parent do you look more like?
my momma

28) Who are the neighbors who live to the right of you?
my college English professor. She taught a class on Bram Stoker & is an expert in vampire/transylvanian folklore. No joke.

29) What are your thoughts on Tom Cruise?
I think my life would be seriously lacking had it not been for good ol’ TC in the 80s. After all, he brought us Top Gun, Rainman, A Few Good Men, and most importantly, taught us all how to do the Hippy Hippy Shake. Not to mention life’s greatest lesson (brought to you by pepsi, the number three, and Risky Business): “Sometimes, you gotta say ‘what the fuck?’”
However, as of Vanilla Sky, he is no longer Tom Cruise. You may now refer to him as “the artist formerly known as TC.” He is no longer an actor. He is a couch-jumping, scientologist fanatic who spews proverbial flames of crazy and who has brainwashed Katie Holmes into joining his cult. He has a compound for chrissakes. In other words, he’s a far cry from the days of Thunder. RIP cool Tom Cruise, RIP.

30) What is the next vehicle you wish to buy?
I think I’ve got enough right now, but I’ve been itching for a 57 belair ever since I was three. Don’t get me started on cars.
31) Do you pay bills online or by mail?
Both

32) What would be the best gift someone could get you right now?
They could pay off my truck. That would be super and a bag of chips.

33) What’s something stressful you will deal with in the next week?
Steel Magnolias. Performance = May 9th and 10th! Come see it! I play Shelby (the one who dies!) and all proceeds go to support a really nice bloke who’s got cancer!

34) What is something in your home that you collect?
shoes and dust

35) What did you do last night?
went home to vt for a couple hrs and to pick up some things for the show. Saw mom and the puppy for a bit.

36) Who did you last see?
Evan

37) How do you take your coffee?
I don’t. I hand it back. I find the beverage appalling. Tea, please.

38) What is the oldest thing in your fridge?
Funny. I just made a sammich and found out that all three containers of mayo in the fridge have expired. One was from 2007. I threw it out.

39) On your keyboard what key is wearing out from pressing it so much?
e
40) Where do you put your keys when you come home?
into a lil decorative box thing by my tv or on the foyer table
41) Where do you go for Thanksgiving?
I usally work or go to one of the three families’ (us, the austins or the cushings)

42) How old will u you be in 2010?
wise enough to refuse to answer silly questions like this
43) What actor/actress would play you in a movie?
someone new, fabulous and yet to be discovered, probably waiting tables as we speak

44) How much cash is in your wallet?
None at the moment, just deposited it all in the bank

45) Would you have a one night stand with your favorite movie star?
Oh Christian Bale, mon cherie. le sigh.

46) What color is your house?
Toga = Green with purple and white trim. Sounds funky, but it works.

47) If you were starving to death would you eat a pet?
Hell no! They’re mah babies!

48) Ever been to Alabama?
No.

49) What kind of accent do you have?
None, but I can do some damn good imitations… actress = comes with the territory! I can nail British & Brooklyn accents. Southern is good and Irish is decent. However, I do need to work on my minnesota accent, dontcha know. JJ, Penny and Hollie totally outclass me on that one.

50) why are you taking this survey?
bored.

50) What kind of alcoholic drinks are in your fridge right now?
UFO & guinness, sky in the freezer and triple sec and various mixers on the shelf where the milk should be