Badass Irish Music / St. Patty’s Day Survival Kit March 13, 2009

So, it’s getting close to St. Patty’s day, you’re planning a kickass Irish shindig and you are officially SOL as far as a St. Patty’s Day Itunes Playlist. Riverdance & that one song you know from Braveheart can only take you so far, and “When Irish Eyes Are Smiling,” won’t get you laid. You need badass, jump up & thrash like a lit leprechaun tunes. Never fear, wee lad or lass. Download these killer tracks and you’ll be all set:

St. Patty’s Playlist
#1 – I’m Shipping Up to Boston / Dropkick Murphy’s (featured in The Departed)
# 2 Kiss Me, I’m Sh*tfaced / Dropkick Murphys
#3 Salty Dog / Flogging Molly
#4 The Fields of Athenry / Dropkick Murphy’s
#5 Seven Deadly Sins (aka Seven Drunken Pirates) / Flogging Molly
#6 Barroom Hero / Dropkick Murphys
#7 Laura / Flogging Molly
#8 Tessie / Dropkick Murphys (*Yankees fans do NOT d/l; if  you actually like boston: this is your new favorite song)
#9 Swagger / Flogging Molly
#10 Amazing Grace / Dropkick Murphys (*amazing* grace goes punk rawk)
#11 Rebels of the Sacred Heart / Flogging Molly
#12 The Wild Rover / Dropkick Murphys (classic drinking song)
#13 Devil’s Dance Floor / Flogging Molly
#14 Rocky Road to Dublin / Dropkick Murphys (can you shout 1, 2, 3, 4, 5?)
#15 No More (Paddy’s Lament) / Flogging Molly
#16 The Gang’s All Here / Dropkick Murphys
#17 What’s Left of the Flag / Flogging Molly
#18 The Spicy McHaggis Jig / Dropkick Murphys
#19 Requiem for a Dying Song/ Flogging Molly
#20 (F)lannigan’s Ball / Dropkick Murphys
#21 If I Ever Leave This World Alive / Flogging Molly
#22 The Boys on the Docks / Dropkick Murphys
#23 You Won’t Make a Fool Out of Me / Flogging Molly
#24 Famous for Nothing / Dropkick Murphys
#25 Drunken Lullabies / Flogging Molly
#26 Johhny I Hardly Knew Ya / Dropkick Murphys
#27 Finnegan’s Wake / Dropkick Murphys
#28 The State of Massachussets / Dropkick Murphys
#29 The Dirty Glass / Dropkick Murphys (good end of the night song)
#30 Float / Flogging Molly

That should get you through pregaming. By then everyone will be so drunk you could put on a riverdance album and watch a yule log video on your tv and everyone would still think it’s awesome. They might think it’s so awesome that they paint everything in your house green. If all else fails, play Dropkick’s Live on St. Patty’s Day album.

And since no St. Patty’s Day would be complete without ‘em, here’s some traditional Irish drinking toasts to go with your corned beef and cabbage:

Toasts
Here’s to cheating, stealing, fighting & drinking.
If you cheat, may you cheat death.
If you steal, may you steal someone’s heart.
If you fight, may you fight for a brother.
& if you drink, may you drink with me.

May your glass be ever full.
May the roof over your head be strong.
And may you be in heaven
Half an hour before the devil knows you’re dead.

May the wind always be at your back
and the sun upon your face.
And may the wings of destiny
Carry you aloft to dance with the stars.

(gotta love that movie!)

Speaking of which, here are some acceptable movies to watch:

Movies
*Boondock Saints
*Miller’s Crossing
The Quiet Man
Angela’s Ashes (don’t cry into your Guinness, it ruins the beer!)
The War of the Buttons (great for kids)
Darby O’Gill & the Little People (also great for kids)

Burn After Filming September 23, 2008

Brad Pitt + George Clooney = ?
It looks like a good idea.    It sounds like a good idea.   But no.

It should have been titled Burn After Filming. It was awful. Nothing happened. Watching grass grow would have been more eventful. I literally walked out of the theatre into a mall that had just shut down at 6pm.   I had intended to shop, but upon finding everything closed, rather than go back inside the theatre and continue watching nothing happen on the screen or take a nap, I chose to sit alone in the food court and people-watch 15 year olds wheel their babies around in strollers.  Watching this movie made me want to rip my hair out. It was less than an hour and a half that I sat there, but I want those hours of my life back.
Coen brothers – wtf?! Seriously!

And John Malkovich?! He scares the crap out of me.  I’d rather be chased around my house by an axe-weilding Christopher Walken than see a 5 x 5 version of John Malkovich’s face.  (On a side note, it appears from the picture above that when he’s not focusing on being a creeper, he enjoys shopping for his clothing at furniture warehouse.
Who knew?)

As for Tilda Swinton…   Every time I saw her on camera I got the sensation that I was in third grade in the principal’s office. In a catholic school. Framed for a crime I did not commit.  She’s a walking, talking cryptkeeper who nags the shit out of you and has mastered the condescending stare.    AKA the in-law everyone has nightmares of.   She and Malkovich make me cringe in general.   At various points throughout the movie they look they’re sucking on a sour warhead or trying to fight constipation.   That and I just wanted to walk up to the screen and offer her a burger.   Maybe she’d be nicer if someone fed her.   Or maybe she’d just snap my hand off at the wrist.

And Brad Pitt, who could have been the saving grace of this horrid little movie, looked like Vanilla Ice’s fifty year old stunt double in spandex with skunk hair.   He plays the dumb jock a little too well.

Save your money. Or, better yet, sit in the front row & critique loudly like Mystery Science Theater 3000. Maybe you’ll save the movie for the rest of the audience. (“Manos, Hands of Fate” has *nothing* on this flick.)

And I get the whole idea that it’s supposed to make you think about how stupid everyone around you really is.   Why do you think they invented alcohol?   To drown that shit out!    Once you really get down to it, there are so many effing idiots out there that if you seriously start to contemplate it, life itself becomes meaningless and depressing.   As Mark Twain said, “Of the demonstrably wise there are but two: those who commit suicide, & those who keep their reasoning faculties atrophied with drink.”   Why highlight something so depressing?   And guess what?   At the end of the day I was still bored senseless.   It wasn’t “brilliant,”  it was rubbish.    Half the people who reviewed this flick are saying it was “brilliant,” because they still don’t “get it,” and are trying to find meaning in this film that isn’t actually there!    Keep looking, my friend.    And while you’re at it, I’ll raid your liquor cabinet.    I’d rather get a root canal than subject myself to this film again.   Unless we’re MST3000-ing it, because in that case, I’m totally game.   I’d have a fucking field day.   Good lord.   What crap will they dream up next?

On a side note, I just rented Made of Honor.   It was very cute.   Not “artsy,” and  terribly “thought-provoking,” but it made me laugh and in my book, that deserves some credit.   Plus I got to stare at Patrick Dempsey for two hours    I like that cute face he makes when he smirks.

xoxo
<3 GC